|
wat's up?
|
|
|
about
claire
20 yrs old 9th dec cps.nygh.njcian.nus life sci drama fan outdoor gal beginner chef looking for a goal in life things i wanna do
steamboat go for a spin ride the singapore flyer a night stay in a local hotel dress up my hamsters wardrobe makeover Tagboard
Exits
graceshuning oac07-08 waikit ben hong mervyn jessie terence kaiting shangfei xiuwen ailin xiangjun kah han hsiangwei rachel nicole bernice jia yin doris yini archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
the office is really empty and quiet now. everyone went for cny lunch. i am the only one left in the office. woohoo..that kind of explains why i am blogging now. that day at work, my buddy was sharing with me some stories about herself. after listening to them, i realise that she never really met any true friends. she was the type that only truly cared about her family and nothing else. to her, friends cannot be trusted. she doesnt chat with friends after work and when she had problems, she doesnt confide in them. i felt sorry for her because the friends she had made when she was in school treated her badly, which led to her being who she is today. and then i start thinking about myself. do i have someone to complain to? to confide in? to share gossips with? it didnt took me long to realise that my sis was that someone. i miss complaining to her. neither of us are at home from mon to fri. we only meet during the weekends when we return home. that is assuming that both of us dont have any commitments on sat or sun. and then i start thinking if i have any really really close friends that i share my darkest secrets with( not that i have any), or call her(most of my friends are girls) up anytime any day to chat for long hours because we have endless of stuff to complain about to each other, basically its like having a friend that is like a sister( just like in the story books and the tv dramas). i realise i dont have. i keep fantasizing about this perfect friend. but i dont think it happens in real life, at least not to me. recent events such as the 'successful birthday prank by oac' and 'loneliness in the office' made me realise that i cant live alone. without friends. i cant survive without them. with no one to talk to(even if we were just talking crap), my life would totally sucked. and then i start thinking about how i made friends with people. can you believe that on the first day of my jc life, i actually went up to strangers and said "hi i am claire. wat's your name? " followed by a series of questions, hoping to start a conversation through this and make a new friend. i had no idea i was so thicked-skin. sometimes i surprise myself with what i do. i dont like awkward silences. so most of the time, if possible, i will take my initiative to start a conversation. and so this made me wonder again. if i hadnt take the initiative to speak to others, does that mean that people wont speak to me? maybe people are not that interested in what i say. they are most probably nodding in agreement so as to save me some face. is it true? maybe people think that i talk too much and feel irritated. but they dont dare to voice their opinions because they are either being polite or they are just scared of me(many people tell me i look fierce when i dont smile). what exactly is everyone thinking about? what do they feel about me? how i wish i could be edward cullen. i would be able to hear everyone thoughts. that would be real cool. i've got 2 questions. do you consider a person as your best friend if you consider her as one but she may not consider you as her best friend or maybe you dont know if she considers you as one. can a person have more than 1 best friend? according to dictionary, best means only 1 right? i think making friends requires one to put in effort and sincerity. to make close friends, that would require affinity and a lot more effort and sincerity. it's hard work, but it's worthwhile. or perhaps pat was right, i think too much. all these thoughts are unecessary. a complete waste of time. and i should live for myself not for others, so i shouldnt really be too self conscious. if not my life would be meaningless right? yeah, i know that i should not think too much but a leopard doesnt change its spots. so i guess i will always be a worry wart. - feeling imaginative, blogging in the office at 1.58pm |